Ah Valentine’s Day. One day we set aside to tell our better halves how much we love them. One day for us to be romantic, indulgent and passionate. Unless you’re me, today. In which case it’s a day for being snotty, falling over and having panic attacks in public places… before walking home in tears and weeping into the arms of Dan. Our third Valentine’s Day together has been a total disaster.
I’ve had a cold all week and it’s showing no sign of letting up just yet. I’ve gone through a trees-worth of tissue, which has damaged the skin on my face, making me look like I have some sort of skin disease around my nose. I’m also puffy-faced as my sinuses are swollen and I’m a constant state of “Oh shit… I’m about to sneeze” – even though I rarely do. In short, I look and feel incredibly fed up.
After sniffling my way through today, feeling totally sorry for myself and on the brink of crying with frustration every time someone opened their mouth, I was looking forward to heading home. Ten minutes before I was due to leave, my Mum’s funeral song came on. I’m not good at listening to this song – I think it has some sort of spell over me. When the piano kicks in and Robbie Williams starts singing, that’s it… Angels has me in tears. I plugged my earphones in and cranked them up to stop me crying. Afterwards I said to my boss, “What a crappy end to a crappy day.” I spoke too soon.
I headed home. So desperate to be reunited with my bed, I ran for the tram when I heard it coming, and fell over, hard. I hurt my leg and bum, smashed my phone (which I can’t afford to fix at all) and somewhere in the mix of everything, lost some of my dignity. Instead of getting up, brushing myself down and getting on the tram that was waiting for me, I just sat there. I let out an almighty howl and sobbed like a helpless toddler, until the tram driver asked me if I was ok and encouraged me to get on the tram. In the midst of a panic attack, everyone on the tram was staring at me as I tried to catch my breath and re-compose myself. What a twat. What an actual twat. I feel so stupid.
Dan met me off the tram. I cried all the way home and cried all in all for about an hour non stop. The combination of being tired, snotty, missing my Mum and being skint just got the best of me. It happens to the best of us… just not always so publicly and dramatic.
Now the tears have subsided, I’m ready for comfort food. Dan bought me a big box of Celebrations for Valentine’s Day and is making me tea, with lots of nutritious butternut and sweet potato as a type. I’m sipping on my favourite cold soothing tipple of honey and lemon and we’ll no doubt settle down to watch a pick-me-up film. Maybe Amelie, watching this whilst consuming chocolate usually does the trick.
Tonight, there’s no amazing foodie musing, meal of recommendation on my blog. Instead, the realisation that after a crappy day, when everything feels at a loss, chocolate will replace all your tears. With each bite of chocolate, sadness and frustration will be replaced with happiness (and mood altering sugars).
Our Valentine’s Day may have been a disaster… but he’s taking me out for dinner to the York tomorrow, so we can make up for it then! Look out for a review on my blog on Saturday!
Hayley Jayne xx