It’s the second weekend after the Christmas break and I feel terrible. Last Friday I started a course of intensive counselling to help me understand my past, it’s been a long time coming and my days is it working. A whole load of bottled up ‘stuff’ seems to be seeping into my everyday life. One minute I’m fine, the next minute I feel sick with depression and the next I feel a surge of rage… It’s all progress and I need to ride the waves. The trick is to find outlets and ways to feel it all in a safe way.
This morning I felt so pissed off with everything, I could have easily taken on Mike Tyson in the ring and scared the b-jesus out of him. Luckily I kept my fighting talk to myself, poured a lage cup of strong Colombian coffee and got to work on a loaf out of bread. I needed to knead.
It was me vs. dough. Me vs. my emotion. I kneaded that dough within an inch of it’s life. I threw it on to the work top and got into a rhythm (easy know). As I kneaded, I thought and felt. It was good to take my anger out on a loaf of bread. You don’t need to think about the ingredients or trying to balance delicate flavours… You just knead.
I’ve left my bread dough to rise and I’ve come to vent on my blog. I feel better, not amazing but much better and, if I feel low this afternoon, it’s all alright as I’ll have some homemade bread and Nutella to cheer me up.
Want to take your anger out on some bread? I used this recipe, minus the salt, taken from my Easy Cook Good-Food magazine.
Hayley Jayne xx